Why is it difficult for us to set boundaries, how can we draw better boundaries?
Building Healthy BoundariesThis is a phenomenon that we all dream of in an ideal scenario, but in most cases we cannot realize it in practice. While it is very important to set boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our relationships, there can be many reasons why we have not been successful in this regard. However, according to experts, the most important reason our inability to recognize our own needs. When we don’t know exactly what we need, we can be indecisive about what we should set a limit for, which can lead to us not being able to express ourselves clearly to another person. That’s why the decisionbe clear“. But how?
The rest of our article setting limits “in the literal sense” We’ll be sharing exactly what you need to do to get there, based on expert opinions, and before that, we’ve collected other reasons for not being able to set boundaries that are at least as important as not knowing your own needs. At work Possible “scary” reasons why you find it difficult to draw boundaries:
1. Fear of losing love
The fear of being rejected, abandoned, or unloved is one of the biggest obstacles to setting boundaries. However, we must understand this; If another person threatens to leave us, reject us, or no longer love us because we set boundaries, it may be a sign that they don’t appreciate us the way we give them. And this may indicate that instead of setting boundaries, we need to decide whether to continue this relationship.
2. Fear of being alone
The fear of losing our friendships or potential relationships can prevent us from setting boundaries. In order not to be alone, we can tolerate violations of our personal boundaries. The truth, however, is to prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. So, having a lot of friends doesn’t mean you’re in a healthy relationship. Instead of forgetting about your limitations in order to be accepted and not be lonely, you can prioritize assessing whether these relationships have a place in your life.
3. Fear of hurting others
One of the most common reasons why we can’t say no is thinking “what if he gets hurt or if I hurt him.” However, setting boundaries is not a deliberate act or behavior designed to harm another person. Boundaries are supposed to protect both you and your relationship, realize that first. Otherwise, you may be the one who gets hurt while trying not to hurt others.
4. Fear of being misunderstood
“What if he misunderstood me!” Think about how many times you have said this phrase in your life. Does it make sense to you that someone misunderstands you because you set limits to wear out, tire yourself out, waste your time and energy on things you don’t need, and not put your mental health at risk? If the other person really wants your well-being, then why can he misunderstand you, because you say “no” to something, you don’t want to do it, and you determine your own needs …
5. Fear of reaction
Are you afraid of the reaction you will see when you clearly define your boundaries and present them to the other side? If you can’t keep your boundaries to avoid exploding, hearing hurtful words, or seeing someone get mad at you, you’re not alone. One of the most important reasons for not being able to draw boundaries is the fear of anger, that is, the fear that the other party will react negatively. But you shouldn’t give up your opinionated stance just because someone might get angry with you.
How can we draw effective boundaries?
According to experts, setting boundaries is very difficult, but much more important, especially when we are dealing with difficult or toxic people. Marriage and family therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw defines boundaries as “something that happens when you know yourself, what you want and need, and can speak for yourself.” And he mentions another very important point: “We all have boundaries, and we all have boundaries that can be ignored. But in fact, in most cases, people are not trying to ignore our boundaries; they just don’t understand what our limits are.”
Specialist therapist Rachel Zahr notes that what boundaries really mean can be confusing. “We think setting a limit means ‘mom, don’t call me while I’m at work’, while setting a real limit should be ‘if you call me at work, I won’t pick up the phone’. In this case, we are saying that if the other person does not respect our boundaries, we will change our own behavior. Fine; “If you behave like this, I will respond the same way.” The difference is this; in the second example, we don’t ask questions, we don’t ask, and we don’t leave it to another person to decide whether or not to respect our boundaries; We clearly say what we want and what we will do. In short, we take control.
Be sure to be more clear the next time you set boundaries and express yourself. Whether it’s a colleague, partner, or parent, think about what your own need is and how you can best express it. Always keep in mind that you and your relationship need your limitations. To make it easier:
- Find time to be alone with yourself.
- Determine your needs.
- Practice saying no.
- Try different kinds of boundaries: emotional, physical, digital.
On the other hand, the following sample statements may inspire you to set some sort of boundary:
Time limit: “Only one hour I can stay here.”
Energy Limit: “Right now, I will allocate for this case I have no time but probably that man It might help you.”
Emotional border: “I know you are going through hard times and I want to be by your side. But right now I’m emotionally unprepared for this”
Field limit: “To me when you touch him like this I am concerned. If you don’t respect my space I will leave here.”
communicative boundary: “It’s right now It’s not something we can discuss”
mental limit: “I understand that we interpret situations differently and I respect your opinion, but I don’t make me agree with this opinion”
Your personal boundaries are your most powerful tools to help you take better care of yourself, grow and develop, and shape your relationships with those around you. Remember; your energy, time, emotional possibilities are not unlimited, so you must manage them well. And keep this in mind, no one can protect you better than yourself. With healthy boundaries, you can have more freedom to express yourself in the most accurate way and maintain your well-being at all times.
You can also check out our articles below for more different perspectives and border drawing tips:
Boundaries: Why is it important to set boundaries in interpersonal relationships?
Learn to Draw Boundaries to Grow Your Self-Love
Protecting Our Personal Boundaries: The Most Important Indicator of Our Self-Love
- What you need to know about the iftar tradition
- Relationship fragility and fear of being vulnerable, according to Brené Brown
- Mood Fragrances
- 5 Natural Methods for Fast Hair Growth
- An interesting story of well-groomed nails
- About our creativity and what we can achieve by focusing on development
- Does clicking hurt the joints?
- Why is it important to create a space for meditation, what should be considered?
- Who is Susan Atkins, the most formidable member of the Manson family sect?
- Short hairstyles: 13 ways to style your hair