Who is the “right person” that everyone dreams of?
These days, wherever you listen, a plaintive cry is heard: “I am looking for the right person!” It is a search that takes people from relationship to relationship and makes the competitive environment uglier, especially between a man and a woman. You catch yourself saying this, but in reality you are only deceiving yourself. Because to say: “The problem is not in me, the problem is in others” means to convince yourself that the solution to the problem lies with others.
Relationships Based on Criteria, Hard Conditions and Points
You have many thoughts about what kind of person you want to be with. It doesn’t even have to be called a lover. You start to think less about whether you choose to include someone in your life or if you end up in such a situation. All of your value judgments, which you have defined as “correct” for yourself in your mind, suddenly become the criteria you are looking for in the person in front of you.
Over the years, as the number of friendships and relationships you experience increases, you are constantly revisiting the right person in your head. As the number of people entering your life increases, your enthusiasm for finding the right person (I think it’s just ambition) grows at the same rate. You are trying to mold a new person in each of your worlds that you have created in your mind. No matter how hard you try to fit it, it will never fit. It also causes anger. Sometimes you get angry with yourself: “Where am I doing it wrong, why not?” speaking. But mostly you get angry at other people. Because you are sure that what suits you suits them. Then why don’t they turn out the way you want them to? Your truth may not be the best decision the other person can make, the best person they can be, or the best virtues they can have…
Our scores and criteria determine the accuracy of women and men. If a man’s work is not good, then he has no determination; stays in class. If he has little money, he is a failure, he cannot pass the threshold. If a woman is fat, she is already screened out directly. If it does not look well-groomed, it has blossomed, it is not good … Let’s say we somehow passed these obstacles … We somehow managed to meet. This time a new list is looming… No one wants to tell everything about himself in a meeting, he is not honest. The questions asked are always about whether you are that person or not. Even the slightest movement can arouse the enemy’s suspicions. In the end, congratulations, you are not the right person, there is only one comment about you: “No, this will not work. You are not that person.”
For now, there are two great truths to be accepted. Firstly, each person was shaped by situations lived and experienced in life, and his dough was kneaded in different ways. In other words, as everyone uses the same recipe, different tastes appear, and so does the person. Second, the dynamics of relationships are very different from each other. In your opinion, until x person can establish a healthy and proper relationship with you, y can live the love of his life with someone. The only conclusion that can be drawn from this is that failure in a relationship has nothing to do with being the right person, but rather with the alignment of your views, expectations and aspirations in life. So what did the criteria do then?
The person you are looking for may be who you want to be.
We all have subconscious ideas about ourselves. According to these beliefs, we want to achieve personality. The person makes a “list of characteristics of the right person” because they need confirmation of any beliefs they subconsciously have about themselves. In other words, all the qualities that you are looking for in this right person are your perfect qualities that you want to have one day or that you think you have. For example, if you envision a faithful friend or lover, you are probably either faithful in your relationship, or willing to be faithful enough to bond with a woman/man. Or, if you have an item on this list that says “Let there be someone who loves me very much,” then it turns out that you do not love yourself or you need to love yourself from this item. All the criteria that we have prepared for the right person are a combination of those qualities that we want to have in ourselves.
The most important thing here is whether you can flood the bag yourself or not. Ask yourself an indispensable fight phrase: “Who are you?” say it once… Do you have the features you are looking for on the other side? Are you correct? So you never cheated, right? Do you have a good career? How is your financial stability? What about your weight? Do you really never lie? What does it sound like to seek in another what is not in yourself? How logical is it to expect someone to live a life you haven’t lived? So let me repeat the question: so what did the criteria work for?
Try to understand what you want and why. Why is a lover with a good financial position a criterion for you in a relationship? Why is it so important to your relationship that your lover be a cultured, well-equipped, well-educated person and not enter a competitive program or give private lessons? What does a well-equipped woman/man guarantee you in a relationship? Do you really define your criteria, or are you searching “unconsciously” subject to criteria imposed by society? The important thing here is to know yourself well and decide what you want. If you cannot decide on them, then you are doomed to the patterns that society imposes on you. Even worse, you openly judge and classify the people around you as the right woman or the right man, and furthermore, you may act as if it is your right to do so…
As long as we think ours is “good”, we taboo many topics such as sexuality, religion, ethnicity, morality, conscience, good and evil. The reason our relationships fail is because of the taboos we place on them. After all, when all we want in a relationship is to be understood or loved, we turn the situation into an incredibly difficult test. Both for ourselves and for another person… We only honor those who belong to the same religion, ethnic background, or someone whose family matches our family, culture and culture, so that they are included in our lives. How true is this?
On the other hand, a person who does not fit all the molds is actually a person who clears our souls and himself in his own way, reshapes and changes our point of view. In fact, if you can only look at relationships from this perspective, you won’t remember any relationship as a regret. Or you may be able to judge people not as right or wrong people, but by the values they bring to your life. Perceiving these values as pure experience will save you from this great and unanswered search. Remember that someone, somewhere, is comparing you to a list they’ve made right now. You might not be the right person, and you might even be expelled right now…
You had an explanation for every criterion that you didn’t, right? Aha! Everyone has. But remember that your own values and criteria do not have to be the same as someone else’s. You do not need to report to anyone or change yourself for this disharmony.
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