The ability to apologize without “but”: What should be a sincere apology?


How do you think you should apologize? Are there any points to pay attention to when making an apology? Is it enough to say “I’m sorry” to apologize? Let’s look for answers to these questions together.

A world without wrong behavior, hurtful words and negativity, unfortunately, is impossible. However, there is a not-so-impossible way to make amends for misdeeds or hurtful words: apologize sincerely, unconditionally, without “buts.”

It is almost impossible for us not to make mistakes by nature. After the mistakes we’ve made, we all find ourselves at a crossroads: apologizing for forgiveness or ignoring what we’ve done. The topic of this article covers forgiveness and sincere apologies.

Apologizing can be the first step to repairing broken trust. It can heal hurt feelings and be a lifeline for damaged relationships. According to research, apologizing, in addition to being polite or virtuous, has a positive effect on the person who made the mistake and the person who made the mistake. By apologizing, people who make a mistake feel understood and heard, and people who apologize can find an opportunity to speak up and feel relieved. While apology-demanding behavior generates feelings of guilt and shame, apology-related behaviors can positively affect self-esteem, namely self-worth, by reducing these feelings of guilt and shame.

However, sincere and sincere apologies are not always easy. Sometimes we don’t know how to apologize, and sometimes we make false apologies with “but” excuses because we feel bad. Well, then let’s talk about it: How to sincerely apologize?

A sincere apology includes some elements such as remorse, respect, sincerity, and an effort or urge to make amends. For example, a sentence like “I apologize to you if you say/do this” is a conditional, so it cannot be considered a sincere apology. Or a sentence like “I’m sorry, but you did this to me too” doesn’t represent a sincere apology, because it gives an excuse to the person being apologized to. Another example of a misguided apology would be the sentence “I was just kidding.” This sentence may mean that the negative situation or expressions to which the person is exposed are underestimated. Therefore, this offer is not a sincere apology. Such misguided apologies can lead to a refusal to take responsibility, apologize, blame, belittle or confuse the offender.

Sincere apology:

  • Without any conditions and excuses,
  • Empathic, that is, trying to understand the feelings and thoughts of an apologetic person,
  • Giving room for regret
  • He must beg, making it clear that the wrong behavior will not happen again.

We may not know how to apologize, or we may not dare to apologize. However, we still have a long way to go to learn, improve and walk. We can change and develop.

With love…

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