Maybe you do too much for others?


Do you always put the needs of others ahead of your own? Don’t have time for yourself when you run into other people’s problems? If yes, then you too can become a “super helper”. Although this frequently used term in recent times is translated into Turkish as “super helper”, “super” does not have a positive meaning here; means excessive, excessive and destructive. super helper syndrome This “super-useful effort” often cited in the literature can jeopardize your mental health. For this reason, it is useful to know the symptoms and investigate the consequences.

Ways to Know You’re a Super Helper

The term “superhelper”, used by psychologists expert Jess Baker and Rod Vincent to describe “people who have an urge to help others but are unable to meet their own needs,” is a toxic condition that consumes time, energy, and causes fatigue. . . Although you may want to believe that you are trying to support your loved ones in these situations, the following symptoms can help you recognize if you have this syndrome:

  • If you find it difficult to say “no” to requests for help
  • If you notice that the people you came to help are no longer as interested in you and your problems as before.
  • If your relationship has become unstable and you have a disproportionate interaction with people; that is, if you rarely get help while you are helping.
  • If you always take on the role of facilitator in every area of ​​your life (at work, in the family, at school, in the social environment, in co-education)
  • If you find it difficult to accept or even deny that you have your own needs
  • You put the needs of others before your own
  • If everyone around rushes to you when their head is stuck
  • If you put others before yourself
  • If you’re constantly giving advice and trying to solve problems in people’s lives, you may have super-helper syndrome.

So, what does this state of constant bestowal give you? According to experts, nothing; on the contrary, it robs you of many things; most of your time, energy and mental health…

Negative Consequences of Superutility

Jess Baker and Rod Vincent, in their book Super Helper Syndrome: A Compassionate People’s Survival Guide, report that people with Super Helper Syndrome often experience the following outcomes:

1. Troubleshooting: Fatigue

Of course, it is impossible not to get tired, trying to keep up with all the problems. One of the most obvious effects of super-helper syndrome is fatigue; constant feeling of fatigue and burnout. If you’re feeling exhausted, lethargic, suffering from constant headaches, muscle aches, and trying to live like you’re carrying a heavy burden, it’s probably because you’re running to the rescue. Moreover, this state of exhaustion can be accompanied by irritability and moodiness.

2. Unstable interactions: resentment

You can say that you are helping without expecting anything in return, that you just want to support your loved ones, and you have a fair share of that. However, think about it this way: if you don’t see anything in return when you take on the role of a hotline, how can your relationship stay intact if you don’t receive any appreciation, gratitude, or similar help. y accumulated resentment can grow, forcing you to part with the person in front of you, increase tension, and at some point blow you up.

3. Giving Without Reward: Exploitation

Jess Baker and Rod VincentIf you do not voice any of your needs, it is easier for other people to pretend that you do not need them and use your help. they add, “If you give the impression that you don’t want anything in return, you won’t get anything in return.” For this reason, you should be careful to see if the people you help are abusing and exploiting your kindness. Otherwise, this cycle will continue and you will be done.

4. Self Abuse: Self Criticism

According to experts, if you are, so to speak, a “super helper”, you can blame yourself when you cannot fix a problem that is not your responsibility, which you should not have interfered with from the very beginning, and which you should not have looked for decision. Jess and Rod explain this in their book: “Superhelper self-criticism usually works on two levels. They blame themselves for not being able to help enough, and constantly feel tired, resentful and exploited as a result of unrequited help. However, there is no error or crime here.

Ways to get rid of super helper syndrome

So is it possible to eliminate all these negative consequences? With a little awareness and change, yes. While there is no quick fix, you can step by step hold yourself back and let go of the burden of solving other people’s problems. Here’s what you can do:

  • Learn to say no: You cannot be the cure for all problems, and you don’t need to be. Turn down requests for help and say “no” when and where necessary so as not to jeopardize your own well-being. “The Art of Saying No: How Can We Say No?” You can also be inspired by our article.
  • Build healthy boundaries: If you want your privacy to be respected, you must do so first. You can set healthy boundaries to protect yourself and your relationship. If you don’t know how to do this, “Boundaries: Why is it important to set boundaries in interpersonal relationships?” Our article can be a hint.
  • Stop blaming yourself Recognize that saying no is okay and you don’t have to come to everyone’s rescue. Remind yourself that everyone is responsible for their actions, words, and decisions.
  • Practice the practices of self-compassion and self-love: You have a life too, and you deserve the attention you give to others. You must take good care of yourself so that you can confidently move forward on your path in life.

When you say no, set your own personal boundaries, and realize that you need care and attention at least as much as everyone else, you can stop your overhelp for a while.

You may be interested in: How to support your loved ones without burdening them

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