If I return to myself, then I can leave someone – Uplifers

Some articles can be very difficult to write. Especially writing about things that still break our hearts… Stop sweeping the mistake under the carpet and try to accept it for what it is… But this is the only thing that can be done to prevent this mistake from happening again, to identify it and so that others do not suffer from similar problems by telling what happened.

We all experience some pain in life. Sometimes it’s a loss, sometimes it’s the need to move from a place we love so much, sometimes it can feel like we’ve been beaten up by someone we love, or a loss of self-confidence. Nearly all of us have experienced some form of frustration in our allotted time. I think the real problem is what we do with these frustrations. This is the only way to the wisdom of our own awareness. We raised ourselves, but we had to understand our childhood by raising… Childhood is our beginning, and many things are missing without understanding it.

Right here I can start telling the story. Because I made the mistake of working and dating a man who was 52 years old, not understanding his childhood and himself. What we experienced was huge and beautiful, but it was a mistake, because it started to damage my heart, my breath, my psyche, causing panic attacks. It was July, and I lost my father, who was a direct link in my childhood. I could not look into the void I had fallen into when I lost my father, and I clung to this man who wandered around my axis from time to time. Not thinking that the branch I’m holding on to is also broken…

When my lover (former) drank”This mountain man is dead…” he tried to mourn the death of his father with me. At this point, one of the things to do is to be able to cry and cry along with my father, who is still very young, but I didn’t want to do it with him. Since it was about losing a roof and a pillar, I needed more shelter. When such a need came to the fore, joint crying could only turn into mutual anger after a while. He also had a very competitive tendency. Did you have to chase the pain?

I think from anger at my father, that is, unconscious anger at his departure.What will I do now?his mother said,I’m in– he said and, doing what his father did not do, he took care of his mother. The deep disappointment at his loss was probably concealed in this way as well. It seems very logical to me.

Because in our society there are so many boys whose father died at an early age and who live with their mother … After a while, it seems that there is a secret marriage going on. Marriage of mother and son. I’m talking about children and adults who can’t start their own family because they can’t leave their mother. This is a private area of ​​non-existent fathers who did not have enough or left early, and those who tried to create a husband equal to their mother, because they did not know how to follow an example. I don’t think there are women who would face this.

This is where I stumbled upon. The real begins after this. Because two people trying to be partners in this regard may speak the same language, a shared vision, understanding of life, and the cultural structure of the family they come from is not very important. Unfortunately, cultural gaps in our country are very sharp. The other part, following the example of Europe, has turned to the West and is trying to teach their children individualization. In this process, they take care of protecting their own individuality, while the other part tries to maintain Eastern traditions, supports a perception based on living together and especially a woman doing nothing alone. It cannot be that families who sent their children to Europe or lived in Europe did not observe that young people began to live there alone from the age of 16-17. For this reason, it becomes the norm for that segment and a person living with a family becomes difficult to understand.

In families living with family (like my ex-girlfriend), the way of life has returned to normal. Mothers who think that a child remains a child until they get married are comfortable with the idea that my son looks at me like a mountain, and not alone, without worrying about whether the child is 40 years old or 50 years old. . These men, who can be called big babies, do not interfere outside, because they are comfortable in their mother’s house, and after a while they begin to isolate themselves from society so as not to be offended, because they know that they will be criticized by the other part of society. People who isolate themselves from society cannot produce, cannot lead a productive life, and the business life is shedding blood. As a result, we tend to become lazy people because of families that cannot be individualized.

The reason I write them in detail is that in our country, where the literacy rate is somewhat higher than in the past, they are being read about, perhaps raising the awareness of families and motivating them to change a little. I know that change is a very difficult and painful thing. That is why we often hesitate and run away. But for the future, when two people cannot fall in love and beat each other, this is also an essential situation.

My ex and I broke up because we couldn’t trade each other. There is no need to chase pain here, there was a certain disappointment for both of us. Of course, I think mine is heavier. Because I wanted to build something, something that I could get from my current order. He did not want to start life outside his mother, so our separation helped him not to violate his current order.

As for the answer to the question, will she be able to continue her life happily … Maybe, maybe because there is no level of awareness. Modeling the reflection of the Sultan’s system, which we read in history lessons, in a kind of family. The eldest son takes the place of the deceased father and the mother expects all the work from him, but in the current order, since the father cannot leave enough for everyone and other unforeseen needs arise, the eldest son cannot do everything and becomes a child to such an extent that he does not can meet them. As she grows older, the mother becomes weaker and cannot come to terms with the loss of her husband and demands that her son replace her father even more. The story goes on like a snake devouring its own tail. There is no way out, only small satisfactions of habits. Here the family eats on the floor, when mother and son are at home in the evening, the boy does not stay in another house…

Because, for example, when my boyfriend stayed with me, his mother called him one day in tears, he did not sleep well at night and was afraid when he did not have a son, he told me this on the phone the other day, and when I tried to find others decision, he left the situation unresolved, coming up with different excuses, the only solution was to stay with my ex, nothing else was acceptable.

If we could get the mother to read a few books on personal development at this cul-de-sac, give her financial support, form friendships, and create an environment that strengthens the mother’s ability to be self-sufficient, the problem would be at least a little more comfortable. That is why this article… If you have such patience or economic conditions, you can try. But if you are a person like me, who could not meet his needs and count on support, took Europe as an example of personality and somehow instilled this in his family, you will fail and reproach yourself in vain. Therefore, when faced with such a scheme, be yourself, do not join.

Non-intervention also sometimes means making it possible for some issues to be resolved in a different way. At least I think so. While the human brain is writing, it may have to make judgmental sentences to defend an idea, but that has more to do with trying to catch the mindstream than believing in an event. It is not easy to catch the mind, and when the road is marked, such expressions can be used to complete it.

Which is what I did in this post. Otherwise, my goal is never to mentally repeat imperative sentences. On the contrary, I argue that freedom must be maintained so that everyone can find their inner voice and separate this inner voice from the voice of the family. I will always be the defender of this freedom. If necessary, when did this need for freedom first arise and what unhealthy situations arise in situations where families live very close to each other, looking at the data and preparing statistics …

Because in intertwined families, big quarrels and festering wounds happen more often. Feramoose Peace If you want to better understand this kind of trouble, I can offer you a game … Since families come from a common past and blood ties, they carry undifferentiated troubles and traumas, especially when there is a loss in the family at work, these traumatic bubbles grow and it becomes harder to breathe. It is impossible not to experience tension in households where this similarity, but the reluctance to be similar, is experienced intensely. Therefore, one should not be too close, thinking how fire and gunpowder are nearby. If we think of the same elements as keeping a small distance, everything will be much better, and we as a society need a vessel in which everything is fine, a vessel from which we do not overflow, but which belongs to us.

V, who committed suicide by stuffing his pockets with rocks.Irginia WolfThere is no need to look for answers in the Anatolian oriental culture or anywhere else in this world, left to humanity as a legacy by the writing of “My Own Room”. Because someone did it for us, I think it’s enough just to want to understand and unlearn. Let’s start with the fact that not only our mothers, but the world itself is already a breast.

I end my article by saying that everyone, my neighbors and I will be at ease in the pain of separation, and with good wishes. I hope that the new year will teach me to wish well, and I will meet people who have their own point of view. Our pleasure is free and always, may our 2023 be joyful.

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