Do we know how to heal ourselves?

Can we hear enough of the voice of the limp part within us? Or are we just trying to get rid of it as soon as possible? Can we look at the problems that we think arise involuntarily, but which we cannot change, from a different perspective?

We often talk about the concept of the pole in Gestalt teaching. Just like Yin Yang, everything in life has its opposite. Every phenomenon that we call “positive” has a “negative” opposite at the other pole. Hard-working-lazy, successful-unsuccessful, strong-willed-involuntary…

At the core of each of us are all these opposing boxes. But the ego usually chooses those poles where it feels safe and wants to stay there forever. Besides, she thinks she can stay. He believes that he cannot survive without them, because through these poles he evaluates his own identity. The other end of the pole is almost like a threat to its existence. But the greatest discoveries along the path of evolution often come from opposite ends.

I have been for many years I became a “self-willed” person. Always eat healthy food, maintain your weight at a certain level, continue complex yoga practices for a long time and much more … “He continues what he started.” or “Very determined and headstrong.” In those days, I often heard these words. Of course, since this person was appreciated by my environment and made me feel successful, I was very attached to her. I would inwardly criticize weak-willed people and never understand how they cannot use the necessary will.

While this all sounds good, I was actually in a very masculine realm. The source of my will was not a healthy internal motivation. Deep down, I believed that if I was not in good shape, I would not be loved. Although I was finally able to form a strong identity for myself, I was afraid that if I lost them, I would become a worthless person. Seeing life as a “duty” I lived without feelings.

In the first months of the pandemic, I was far beyond the pole. I work 9-10 hours a day, cook and clean all the time, give online yoga classes 3 days a week, etc. I was constantly trying to produce something. However, like everyone else, I was stressed out by the quarantine and the pandemic, but I kept running without contacting him. While many people fell in love with Netflix, I only allowed myself to watch one movie on Saturday nights. Because I had to be productive all the time.

Of course, after a while this system exploded. Exploded too The tighter we cling to one pole, the harder we fall onto the other pole.

Again, after a solid detox at the time, I developed an eating disorder. Having lived on a very stable diet regimen for many years, I suddenly started attacking food. First bulimia, then overeating. I put on weight. At the same time, I started therapy. The intense EMDR process, the difficulties of the pandemic period, and the eating disorder have turned all my balances upside down.

I was so tired that I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to watch Netflix all day and eat “forbidden” foods without portion control. I went from a world of rules to laziness in an instant. Or from destructive male to passive female…

Despite the fact that I tried for a long time to return to my old self, I realized that this would not be the solution. I didn’t have the energy to do it anymore, and it wouldn’t solve the real problem. Although their outward manifestations were very different, in fact some of the two poles were the same. My previous will state was a mechanism for overcompensating my unsatisfied needs, while in another I was dulling myself. When I started to look deeper into myself It was then that the path to recovery was opened.

Many people around me complain about not being able to continue with their diet, not being able to start projects they have long dreamed of, or not being able to let go of relationship dynamics that are hurting them.

The biggest mistake we make here is fighting with our weak side. We are trying to suppress it, destroy it. Thinking that we can solve the problem with the mind. In fact, there is no such thing as “escape” on this road. contact and saytransformation exists.

Our inner voice could not be heard, not understood, A child whose needs are not being met is waiting for us to see him. Only then will we be able to assimilate what we do or do not do, in accordance with what we need. We will be drawn to food, to the virtual world, to shopping, to toxic relationships, to finding other substitutes for satisfaction. Let’s develop dependencies. Or we’ll be busy overcompensating to the point of exhaustion. But we’re not wrong, we’re not wrong We’re just hurt and don’t know how to heal ourselves.

Moreover, sometimes we can continue to do such things, even knowing the root causes. We can move forward and backward. The conditioning of years will not change overnight. Even though I have already recovered from my eating disorder, I know I still have a long way to go in terms of a healthy relationship with food. As long as we do the work with ourselves, our healing process will proceed at its own pace.

Summarize:

• Also, look for problems in your life where you can’t apply willpower or feel like a failure. Try to hear the voice of your inner child.
• Instead of trying to fix the outside, start with the inside first. For example, if you have problems with a healthy diet, consult not only with a nutritionist or fitness trainer, but also with a psychologist.
• Don’t focus only on external success. Sometimes we may seem unsuccessful from the outside, according to the norms of society, but in fact we achieve a lot internally.
• Leave room for mistakes, stumbling, imbalances. Accept the fact that you will not always be successful and determined. Stop constantly putting pressure on yourself.
• Remember that all poles are within you. Don’t hold on tight to either side. Enjoy laziness when needed, as well as willpower.
• Trust the process after you’ve done your best.

Like the wounded children of this world, we are together on this journey.

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