Become aware of your unfinished problems from the past
I was five or six years old. I was generally a good child, but, as my family put it, I could be “whiny” at times. Again, one day my mom got mad at me for some unknown reason and I started crying. The reason they whined was because I cried for a long time in those situations. It must have been the same on the day when my mother put me in front of the door of the house and said: “Wait here until you stop crying.” As I cried, I knocked on the door, wishing my mother would let me in. Of course, I did not receive any reaction, after a while I fell silent. I was sad, even a little scared. I didn’t feel safe, but I didn’t know what to do either.
Then, hearing voices, our neighbor opened the door and invited me inside. I think it was the family that I loved, since his wife, who often travels abroad on business trips, always brought me chocolate (usually Milka). Seeing that I was upset that day, he warmed up the milk and offered Milka a chocolate to take with him. My sadness didn’t quite go away, but I felt better. Then we went through this cycle two or three more times. Mom put me in front of the door, our neighbor took me to her house, consoled me with hot milk and chocolate. I still feel the compassionate attitude of our neighbor, the sense of security from being inside again, the happiness of chocolate and milk. What a hard, cold and terrible facade of this door; this kitchen was just as soft, warm and cozy.
Gestalt In his teaching, especially the traumas that we experienced in childhood, or our unmet needs “unfinished business‘ We are speaking. Our unfinished business continues to follow us until we make real contact with it. We The more you ignore it, the stronger its influence. And we usually don’t want to see it, because it’s hard to come to terms with it. The ego has already found various ways to suppress it. If these workarounds “substitute satisfaction” We are speaking. This is temporary because it brings short-term relief. Replacement because it doesn’t meet a real need.
Think of it this way; You have an illness and it gives you a headache. You also take painkillers, this gives temporary relief. Then the pain starts again. Because you haven’t removed the root cause It won’t go away completely and you won’t be able to heal. Over time, the intensity of the pain intensifies, and you start taking even more painkillers. You even become unable to live without medication. You are trapped in a vicious circle.
That’s why our addictions “substitute satisfaction” falls into the category. Our pains, wounds, disappointments that we can’t handle; We suppress it with food, alcohol, cigarettes, shopping or other means. We face the root cause and avoid painful emotions.
So what happened in my childhood memory?
First of all, there was a parent who preferred to punish me rather than indoctrinate me. Maybe at that time I needed to cry most of all in my mother’s arms, but he built a “wall” between us. At the door I felt even worse, but I could not speak louder for fear. When I look back Most of all, I felt that they did not see me. Why didn’t my mother understand me? Didn’t he understand how sad I was? There was a feeling of “emptiness” in my soul.
A duet of hot milk and chocolate followed, calming me down. I was so young, could I have found another way to relax at the time? Probably no. My resources were limited, so I clung to the first thing that came my way. As the cycle was repeated, the training became stronger. I will be battling emotional eating disorder for many years to come. Whenever I felt sad, scared, helpless, or misunderstood, I immediately grabbed a coffee (too big for milk residue) and a chocolate duet. HE feeling of “emptiness” I have always tried to fill it. I was taught to suppress my emotions. I tried to survive by developing various methods.
Of course, after the dose of the eating disorder increased over the years and reached such a serious level as bulimia, I had no choice but to address this issue. I couldn’t ignore the “call” anymore.
You know, I talked about our wounds that we can’t deal with. When we “see” it, absorb the need there, and begin to give ourselves to the “here and now,” then our cycles begin to change. We are moving towards a new way of being.
I was no longer that little boy, I could find other resources to comfort myself.
I could face difficult emotions and deal with them without resorting to substitute gratification.
As an adult, I could now begin to satisfy my then unmet needs.
I could learn to educate myself the way I needed at the time.
I could “see” this invisible little girl and “fill” the void in her heart with my love.
Yes, at that time I was dependent on my family, but now I could take charge of my life.
Certainly Habits of years do not disappear in an instant. Moreover, the earlier we have an unfinished question since childhood, the more difficult it can be to solve. By solution, I definitely don’t mean remove or get rid of. making contact, be able to transform. To be able to experience the new forms of existence that I have mentioned by freeing myself. The ability to finish things internally, even if we cannot change the experience. Yes, his “pain” will remain with us for life, he will remind himself from time to time. But now, instead of suppressing it, we can connect with it and turn to new resources that will benefit us. He used to control us, now we control.
Our traumas (small or large) are not erased. Although the mind somehow forgets, the body does not. The body is recording. These notes create our “work in progress”. And he will definitely find us again sometime in the future and call.
- You, too, are aware of your unfinished business.
- Don’t let your ego, which resists change, keep you from facing it.
- Pay attention to the methods of satisfaction by replacement.
- Pay attention to what events (or emotions) provoke you and to what automatic suppression of behavior they lead you.
- And hear the “call” before it’s too late.
Yes, transformation processes are painful, just like birth. But at the end of each painful process, you will “give birth” to yourself again. And with each new birth, your original self will come to life.
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