A tool for managing conflict and building strong bonds


According to research from the Gottman Institute, it’s critical that partners deliberately set aside time once a week to talk about their relationship. This exercise, developed by Dr. According to John and Julia Gottman, this can be a tool to help partners build relationships as well as learn to better deal with conflict.

At the beginning of each meeting, you can start by discussing what went well. First, try to express what you appreciate in each other. This will help balance the experience and not just focus on issues.

What about examples of appreciation?

  • Thank you for being patient with me this week when I had problems at work.
  • Thank you for calling the plumber and taking care of this.
  • Thank you for taking the time to listen to me about work stress this week.
  • The soup you made when I was sick was delicious.

Then take a moment to review a recent conflict, a current issue, or point out if something is bothering you. four horsemen (criticism, contempt, defense and walling) Remember to manage and focus on your feelings and needs instead of blaming your partner. At the end of your meeting, you may have the opportunity to ask your partner what you can do this week to make them feel that you love them.

Source: Gottman Institute.

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